Saving Al Cunix


The deer was on the wrong side of the barrier wall.  Blissfully eating what was destined to be his last meal, he grazed in the high grass mere yards from the I 271 southbound lanes.  There was nothing I could do.  His fate was sealed.  It was highly unlikely that he would find his way back and nobody would save him. 

The postcard came in Tuesday’s mail.  A financial services company in Mentor had all of the answers a Baby Boomer should ask about Social Security.  All of them.   The special meeting to share all this valuable information will be next Tuesday.  The same mail also brought a letter from Oregon about the importance of long term care insurance.  A free booklet and a helpful salesman were readily available.   And Wednesday’s mail brought an invitation for yet another dinner at The Olive Garden with those helpful people who want me to learn how to retire comfortably.  

Well, not really me, Al.  Al Cunix.  Everyone loves Al Cunix and wants him to be happy and wealthy. 

Al Cunix only exists on marketing lists.  He gets mail.  He gets emails.  And until the Do Not Call list became the law of the land, he got phone calls.  Lots and lots of phone calls.  I received four emails last week advising Al that Obamacare now required him to have health insurance. 

Some of the solicitations are inadvertently humorous.  Some of them are offensive, like the above emails.  But the truth is that most of the offers that come to Al’s attention are just depressing.  Did you ever wonder who would give up a couple hours of their life to be locked in a chain restaurant for a crappy dinner and an even crappier sales pitch?  Worse, it must work.  These “dinner” seminars must be separating hard working Americans from their money since the invitations keep coming. 

The letters, postcards, and emails are dripping with concern.  They love Al.  They want nothing but the best for him.  But like the deer, Al is really on his own.  And whether we are talking about oncoming traffic or unsolicited advice, we are our own best advocates and the only person we can really count on to keep us out of trouble.