The Most Important Quiz You Will Ever Take

You and your family are out to dinner at Applebee’s.  Riblets, salads, and burgers fill the table.  Out of the corner of your eye you notice that a young man has just entered the restaurant.  He appears to be in his early twenties, tall, blonde hair, dressed in fatigues.  Of course, what you really noticed was his holster, his ammo, and the AR 15.  He appears to either be ready for battle or trying out for the Yosemite Sam part at the local Comic Con.

Do you:

a)  Point out the young patriot to your 17 year old daughter


b)  Quietly release the safety from your gun and calmly terminate the threat to your family’s safety

The answer, of course, is:

c)  Gather your family under the table, call 911, and pray the police get there quickly.

Are you in danger?  You bet.  The young man may be at the Applebee’s to exercise some awful murder / suicide (perhaps by cop) scenario.   But he may also be an ill-advised peacock, his display an array of destructive metal instead of colorful feathers.

The young guy with the rifle isn’t your only threat.

Every guy with a hero complex, every woman who knows somebody who knows somebody who was once mugged, EVERYONE IN THAT RESTAURANT CARRYING A GUN poses an immediate threat to you and your family.

Will you be caught in a crossfire between the gunman and the various armed diners?  Will this all resemble the coffee shop scene from Boogie Nights?  Can we trust the good judgment of the young man and our fellow diners?

Good judgment?   They are carrying loaded weapons into a family restaurant.  I don’t trust their judgment.  Do you?

So what can you do?  Constitutional scholar and philosopher, Samuel Wurzelbacher (Joe the Plumber), wrote an open letter to the parents of the college kids who were murdered during a recent rampage in California.  He noted that “your dead kids don’t trump my Constitutional rights”.    If you and your family are unfortunately seated between the gunman at the door and the well-armed paranoid at table 43, your rights take a back seat to the second amendment rights of both of them.  The Constitution does not guarantee your right to dinner out.

The more guns, the more problems.  Who is a threat?  Who is standing his ground?  Every armed man is a good guy with a gun right up to the moment he opens fire.

What can you do to keep your family safe?   Less and less each day.  You can eat at restaurants that ban guns.  You can choose to patronize shops and offices that prohibit weapons.  And most importantly, if you’re an African-American, don’t wear a hoodie cause there is nothing in the Constitution that guarantees your right to comfortable clothing.

Just guns.