Dancing With My Ghosts

She was possessed but unloved
Abandoned but retained
I was looking and she needed to be found.
Not my first and not my last
Not her first and not her last
We threw unsecured life lines to each other
And watched helplessly as each drifted away.
Remembering her fondly, to her a toast
But me,
   I’m dancing with my ghosts.

I heard her say a thousand things
None of them were real
She told me what I wanted to hear
And hoped that I would never notice
The truth, the loss, the confusion
Overcame her and those who cared
I played the game as long as I could
But in the end I drove her to the coast
Time for me
   To go dancing with my ghosts.

Wife, mother, life in the middle
They seemed to be her goals
But none were fun and none were easy
And she rained her unhappiness on all of us
I helped her. I hurt her.
I caused as many problems as I solved
I moved her from place to place
But there was no place where she belonged
And when I realized that none were close
I left. I needed
   To go dancing with my ghosts.

Searching for a home, stopping at some inns
I seldom traveled by myself
But often seemed alone
Along the way I met a woman
Maybe two or three
But Church or child or jealous ex
Kept getting in the way
And so I returned to what I do most
I kept searching
   And dancing with my ghosts.

I found someone who had it all
But all was not enough
Her best friends were shiny and bright
And she always needed more
I was attached to her attachments
Connected to her connections
In many ways more than her
And when I or any person was not loved most
I said good-bye cause I was ready
   To go dancing with my ghosts.

I’ve retraced my steps
Completed my circle
Ending where I began
I’m changed and yet the same
She’s changed and still the same
This time it should be different
This time is should be home
This time there should be peace.
With hope and prayers of right, not almost
It’s finally time for me
   To stop dancing with my ghosts.