The inscription on the jar caught my eye. I stepped over the clutter of the antique store to get a closer look. I needed something for the end table and this would do just fine.
As I removed a layer of dust and such from the jar, it began to shake. A cloud of red-blue smoke escaped from the jar and as it began to take shape, a voice filled the room.
WHAT IS YOUR PLEASURE, MASTER?
MASTER! I AM THE GENIE THAT HAS BEEN LOCKED WITHIN THAT VESSEL FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.
Come on. What’s a good Jewish boy like me doing in an old Arabic tale?
IT IS NOT WITHIN MY POWER TO DISCRIMINATE, MASTER. WHAT DO YOU DESIRE ABOVE ALL ELSE? ORDER IT AND IT SHALL BE YOURS.
Really? I would like my children to have a happy and healthy childhood.
AS YOU WISH, SO SHALL IT BE DONE. WHAT DO YOU DESIRE FOR YOURSELF?
For me? Hmmm. I would like a mutually fulfilling permanent relationship with a woman.
TELL ME SOMEHTING I DON’T KNOW. EVEN ONE CONFINED FOR A THOUSAND YEARS IS AWARE OF MY MASTER’S STORIED PAST.
Good news travels fast.
YOUR LAST ADVENTURE WAS A RIVETING TALE. DESCRIBE THE WOMAN YOU TRULY SEEK.
Let’s see. Brown hair. Brown eyes. Soft features. A warm smile…
STOP, I PRAY OF YOU. YOUR DESCRIPTION IS COMMON KNOWLEGDE. DO NOT WASTE A MOMENT SHAPING THE VESSEL. WHAT OF THE CONTENTS? WHAT OF THE SOUL?
What do I really want? I want to be loved.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THAT IS UNIQUE IN ANY WAY?
No. I’ll get the hang of this. I want to be loved by someone that I can respect and value so that her love will be of real value to me.
IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU DON’T RESPECT AND ADMIRE HER, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER SHE LOVES YOU OR NOT?
Yes. That makes sense. An equal. A partner. A co-conspirator.
YES. YES. YES. PLEASE CONTINUE WITH YOUR DESCRIPTION.
I have always been attracted by vulnerability. I have a lot of empathy.
YES MASTER. AND THEIR DEPENDENCY CHASED YOU AWAY ONCE YOU WERE MARRIED.
That is true, but I know that I am vulnerable yet capable of being self-sufficient and organized. Am I that unusual? Is this combination available in a woman?
I CAN NOT SPEAK AS TO HOW USUAL OR UNUSUAL MY MASTER MAY BE. AS TO FEMALE AVAILABILITY, I NEED MORE INFORMATION.
I would like a woman who can function perfectly well without me, but even better with me. I want to enhance her life, not be it. And of course, visa-versa.
CONTINUE MASTER. SHE BEGINS TO TAKE SHAPE.
I want a woman who will love my children, and if she can’t, keep it a secret. I want a woman who will compete with me at Jeopardy!, but not take it personally. I want a woman who excites and stimulates me emotionally and mentally, instead of just sexually.
YES MASTER. FORTUNE MAY SMILE UPON YOU AT LAST.
Great. Now, can you fit all of that into a size 9/10?