Pumpkin Pie

Let’s get the boring part of this out of the way.  Yes, in June 2003 I weighed 255 pounds.  That is not obese for a man my height, but I certainly wasn’t svelte.  I was enduring my annual physical when my doctor, Larry Kent, diagnosed that I had borderline high blood pressure.  He told me that I had to lose 15 pounds, lower my stress, and reduce my salt intake.  I reminded him that I had weighed this much for several years.  He replied that I could no longer carry it.  I told him that the salt part was just boilerplate.  My salt intake was excellent.  And as far as stress goes, I wasn’t getting divorced for two more years.

Dr. Kent gave me three months to lose the weight and lower my blood pressure.  Otherwise, I would have to take medication.  Regular readers of my other blog, Health Insurance Issues With Dave, know that I didn’t want to take any medication.  I created a low-carb diet and followed it religiously.  By my next visit I had lost twenty pounds and had reduced my blood pressure to an acceptable level.  Dr. Kent was pleased.  I was curious whether I could lose another twenty.

In one year I lost 80 pounds.  I was too thin.   A doctor friend asked if I had had bariatric surgery.  By September 2004 I had regained 15 pounds.  I have hovered between 190 and 195 since.  The combination of a low carbohydrate diet and a lot of discipline have allowed me to stay at this healthy weight.  I don’t find it difficult, in part, because of all of the tasty foods I have to eat.

Susie Sharp has been after me to publish a cookbook.  I have adapted a number of recipes to low-carb and Kosher.  I keep Kosher in my home and this just makes the whole process a touch more challenging.  I made a pumpkin pie over the weekend.  I hope you will give it a try.

Pumpkin Pie with Pecan Crust

This makes one 9” pie.

Crust

Ingredients:

2 cups pecan pieces

5 T melted butter or margarine

2-3 T fake sugar

¼ teaspoon vanilla

Preparation:

1. This works best if the pecans were kept in the freezer until you are ready to make the crust.  Pulse them in a food processor or grind them in a coffee mill.  Keep them chunky.  You don’t want powder.

2. Add the margarine, vanilla and fake sugar.  I like Joseph’s liquid or a couple of Splenda packets.  Mix the four ingredients thoroughly.

3. Dump into the pie pan and spread the crust with your fingers.  There really is enough.

 
 

Anyone can make this.

 

Pumpkin Pie

Ingredients:

1 15 oz can of pumpkin or the better part of the 28 oz can

2 eggs

2/3 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk

1/3 cup coffee cream

1/3 cup fake sugar (this is a good time to use the liquid stuff)

2 teaspoons cinnamon

¼ teaspoon ginger

1 teaspoon nutmeg

¼ teaspoon salt

Pinch of cloves

1. Preheat oven to 425

2. Mix all of the ingredients into a blender or food processor.  I don’t have a blender or food processor.  I dump everything into a really big bowl, get out a whisk, and mix the daylights out of it.  Works just fine.

3. Pour into the crust.

4. Put the pie into the oven and immediately turn the temperature down to 375 F.  In 15 minutes, reduce the temperature to 350 F.  Bake for 30 to 40 minutes until the center looks to be about set or the pie starts to crack around the edges.  This is 35 minutes in my oven.  Yours?  You’ll find out.

5.  Cool and serve.  I like The whipped cream in the can.  There are almost no carbs.

Pumpkin is in short supply right now.  I have found the larger can at Heinen’s.  This allows me to use about 18 oz of pumpkin.   You can use the rest as a side course.  You can heat it in the microwave and serve it like mashed sweet potato.

I would like to know if anyone attempts this and if there really is an interest in other low-carb recipes.

Hiding In Plain Sight

I wasn’t insulted. I wasn’t hurt. It was obvious that the two women thought that I was gay. From their perspective, I had exhibited all of the signs of being gay. My clothes matched. I paid attention to them. And, I hadn’t hit on either of them.

I am not gay. I do dress with care and listen to people, men and women, even if only to hear what they have to say. And in the case of those two women, they really weren’t my type. (Feel free to insert your own joke here.) Still, I did find the entire episode amusing.

I have always hidden in plain sight. No secrets. I haven’t any skeletons hiding in my walk-in closets. No scandals waiting to break. It’s not that I have had a boring, uneventful life. I just believe that the best way to deal with life’s problems is with openness and laughter.

It’s not for everybody.

Even though marriage and relationships are a large part of my daily conversation, this blog has spent more space on other issues. This was not intentional. It just happened. Besides, this blog also includes five years’ of columns from my time with Ohio’s Finest Singles. If You Won’t Leave Me, I’ll Find Someone Who Will details marriages, divorces, and all of the life in-between. Do the math and you can figure out how many times I’ve tripped down the aisle (5) and which problems were avoidable (I say none, but what do I know?).

So, why are we talking about this today? I had a couple of conversations this past week that led me to this post.

My last marriage culminated in an incredibly messy divorce. The whole exercise was wasteful and illogical. I lost patience with her and her brain trust. The terminology reflected that reality. On April 25, 2005 I “pulled the plug on her”. When the papers were finally signed fifteen months later on July 13, 2006 and she received considerably less than what I had originally offered, I had cigars made. Last November I posted on Facebook that “I just wrote the last check to the woman who cured me of marriage”.

And there’s the rub. You can not be cured of marriage. Marriage is not an illness. I know that. I believe in the institution of marriage. I am very supportive and proud of the partnership my daughter Jennifer and my son-in-law Matt have created. I am excited that my son Phillip will be marrying Allison this October. My glibness may have overrun my reality.

And so, I apologize if I have ever disparaged marriage. I did not do it on purpose. The unpleasantness of 2005 and 2006 are a long time ago and that verbiage denotes anger and hurt. I have neither. I don’t have any immediate plans to remarry. But, I think it is probably time to retire certain phrases that give the impression that only the threat of physical violence would force me to make such a commitment.

***

My friend and client, Ron (name changed) and I met for coffee a few days ago. The late morning crowd at the Chagrin Road Starbucks paid no attention to two middle aged businessmen. Good. The conversation was serious and private.

Ron, a small business owner, has an open secret. He is gay. He has been with his partner, Stanley, for almost fifteen years. They have a lovely home in Lake County. They have created a nice life with good friends. More accurately, half a life. Ron has never brought Stanley to the office, even for the annual company party. Since he has never acknowledged his sexuality or Stanley, Ron thinks he is fooling his employees. He is not.

This is Ron’s decision, not mine. But when asked I told him to hide in plain sight. His non-secret is a problem because he has made it a problem. His employees know or suspect whatever there is to know. The only power in his secret is that it is a secret. The only shame, if any, his. Would his employees quit? Work less? Respect him less? Of course not.

So we’ve come full circle. I promise to choose my words about marriage with the same care as I show when pairing a shirt and tie. I will still listen intently. And, I will continue to hide in plain sight.

Mr. Wilson

The attorney moved.  Yes, the attorney has a name, but I think that I lived here for a year before I knew it or that we had really talked.  His acquisition of a dog forced him to be more social.  I have no pets.

I moved into my apartment in April of 2006.  I was still engaged in an unnecessarily messy divorce, trying to sell my house in Shaker, and preparing for two weeks in Australia.  Did I mention that I moved in the day before Passover?  Lots and lots of stress.  I didn’t have the time for anyone else’s drama.

I wasn’t mean or rude.  I acknowledged people I passed in the hallway or saw on the elevator with a nod or a smile.  I spoke when spoken to.  I didn’t initiate any conversations.  I wanted to be left alone.

I was accosted by the elderly couple from across the hall.  I had lived in the Hamptons for about two months.

What’s your name?

Dave Cunix

Are you Catholic?

No, I’m Jewish.

You can’t be Jewish. You aren’t friendly enough to be Jewish!

I checked my doorpost – Mezuzah.  His – none.  I guess his previous Jewish neighbors had brought him cookies.  I don’t know.  He and his wife were gone soon enough and the unit has had three different tenants since.  I’ve yet to deliver cookies to any of them.

The confrontation got me thinking.  Do I have a social responsibility to befriend every tenant passing through this floor?  What about the blond who hasn’t discovered the dryer’s lint filter?  How about the yahoo who doesn’t take the shopping carts back to the basement?  I would like to pick and choose where and when I relinquish my last bit of privacy.

The attorney was a mutual choice.  We talked.  We went to a couple of ballgames.  We occasionally hung out.  And now he is moving.  He purchased a nearby condo.  He is hoping for a fresh start and equity, two things a new residence could provide.

Four years here.  Four buildings.  Number of people living here that I know well – less than four.  This is not a complaint.  It is probably more of a subconscious than an intentional choice.  I prefer my home to be peaceful.  I feel compelled, at times, to eliminate disruptions.

Define disruptions?  An infant in the whirlpool?  That’s a disruption.  A teenager arguing with his girlfriend? That’s a disruption.  Someone leaving clothes in the washer or dryer for an hour or two?  Crap, I’ve become Mr. Wilson.

Oh well.  The attorney is only moving down the street.  I will eventually talk to a couple more residents.  Hell, I may even bake cookies.

Lumbering Giant

Lumbering Giant
You have welcomed us at a most auspicious time.
                                
Lumbering Giant
Your stride is long, your steps are slow.
Your arms swing, sometimes wildly, as you move.
                               
Lumbering Giant
We share your pain of Yushu.
                             
Lumbering Giant
There are no more Emperors, yet you have many dragons.
Teach them to be respected instead of feared.
                          
Lumbering Giant
You have millions to command.
Lead them.
                    

China welcomed another group of American businesspeople. The price was too good to pass up. So I didn’t.  They flew us on Air China. They showed us four cities, the Great Wall, palaces, and a Buddhist Temple. We saw what they wanted us to see including factories and factory stores.  Jade.  Pearls. Cloisonné.  Silk.  Silk Rugs.  We were expected to Ooh and Aw and spend lots of money. We did. We were also expected to become China’s best salesmen, ready to deliver glowing generalities. I am happy to cooperate:

  • The Great Wall is amazing.
  • The gardens of Suzhou are beautifull
  • The food was fine, the people friendly.
Tiger Hill, Suzhou
Tiger Hill, Suzhou

 

 

View from the Great Wall

Tiger Hill, Suzhou

Beth Bryan was ticked because they didn’t take me to the new dam project where so many people have been displaced. Well of course they didn’t. The Chinese showed us what they wanted us to see.  Besides, most of my readers live in Cuyahoga County.  All governments displace people.

I took close to 500 pictures. Some will be posted on this blog and some will appear on Facebook. You will have to come to my office to be bored with all of them. I brought back silk, jade, and other souvenirs. I strongly recommend this trip for everyone.

This past Sunday’s Plain Dealer included three articles that originally appeared in the Detroit Free Press while I was gone. Travel editor, Ellen Creager took a similar trip. She went to the same places and saw most of the same sites. Feel free to check out her travelogue. My focus is slightly different.

There are 9,999 rooms in the Forbidden City. The Forbidden City was a palace right in Beijing, the northern capital. 9,999. Why? 9 is a royal number. I guess 99,999 would have seemed excessive.

Within the Forbidden City
Wait, there's more.

The Emperors had unlimited wealth, manpower, and land. The Forbidden City, a maze of spectacular architecture and huge open squares, is filled with the efforts of others, the unthanked Chinese who slaved for rulers whose greed knew no bounds. Silk. Pottery. Impressive sculptures. What did I enjoy of my couple of hours within the walled city? I loved watching the faces of the Chinese tourists and children surveying the accomplishments of their ancestors, the people who constructed these buildings and laid the bricks in those squares.

The Summer Palace is only a few miles away. Located on Kumming Lake, the Summer Palace was esthetically more pleasing with its ornate Long Corridor and traditional gardens. We were treated to stories of handmaidens collecting dew, eunuchs, and all of the other trappings of uncontrolled wealth and greed. It was raining that day. The sea of Chinese with their brightly colored umbrellas overwhelmed us. We saw pretty buildings. They saw their history. What was simply ornate and colorful to us had a deep meaning and purpose to them. Did they see the results of centuries of exploitation or the skill of their ancestors who toiled in hardship? My guess is both.

The Summer Palace

I mention the Chinese because they made the trip worthwhile. About twelve years ago I visited the ancient city of Tulum just south of Cancun. There were cool buildings that reflected an advanced culture. I marveled at their construction. We could only guess as to what life had been like 800, 900 years ago in the place we were standing. But we were visitors. We had no ownership. Our guides could only guess. My trip to China was completely different and that much more special.

A Glimmer Of Hope

My friend Donna Miller, the woman responsible for the excellent blog Read Any Good Books Lately, was concerned.  She thought that I might be getting bored.  Beth Bryan felt that mentioning her birthday, April 12th, would improve both this blog and my disposition.  My guess is that I am simply frustrated and disillusioned.

I  would like to think the best of people.  Yes, Ambrose Bierce is one of my favorite authors and I always have two of his books in my briefcase, but I really am, at my core, optimistic.  Damn near Pollyannaish.   That is proving to be more difficult.  No matter how many times I lower my expectations, our leaders still fail to deliver.  I am not Catholic, so I am only aware, but unaffected, by all of those issues.  I am thinking about our political leaders and that seems to be all that I can handle.

My frustration has been building for thirteen years.  It began with the bloodless coup d’état the Republicans staged in 1998.  I can’t tell you which bothered me more, the incredible hypocrisy or the naked power grab. 

The Clinton impeachment gave us the Bush presidency.  Eight years of George Bush and Dick Cheney did nothing to restore my faith and confidence in our government.  We are still learning the full extent of their incompetence, their avarice, and their total disregard for the rule of law.

The last year or so have not been much better.  Different, but not better.  Democrats.  Republicans.  Not much to choose from.  Certainly no heroes.  I have been involved in politics and government, on the local, state and federal level, since 1972.  I’ve met and talked with senators, presidents, and world leaders.  Our current group doesn’t measure up.  And I am frustrated.

I was at Moxie’s yesterday evening for the annual Shoes and Clothes for Kids fundraiser, Fool’s Frolic.  My friend Seth Briskin of Meyers Roman is on the host committee of this terrific event.  Of course, how hard is it to throw a great party when you’ve got wonderful food, an open bar, and some of this area’s most interesting people in the room.  I was having a good time even before I met Mamie and Mark.

Mamie J. Mitchell is the Councilwoman for Cleveland’s Ward 6.  Mark A. Schneider is the State Representative for District 63 which includes Mentor and the surrounding communities.  My conversations with the two of them left me with the feeling that all is not lost.  Do me a favor, if you are aware of any information that would prove that these two people are no better intentioned than all of the other politicians I’ve encountered lately, keep it to yourself for a couple of days.  I don’t need to be disappointed today.

Mamie Mitchell is deeply connected to Ward 6.  She speaks as positively about the new Juvenile Justice Center at 93rd and Quincy as she does about the trendy shops and restaurants of  Larchmere.  She was a manager for BP before she went to law school.  I appreciate how she has managed her life and has sought to control her own destiny.  It is that toughness that she brings to her current job.  We agreed on some issues affecting her community.  We agreed on some political issues.  But not all, and I was happy to listen to her views on all of these subjects.

Mark Schneider has a real sense of what works and what doesn’t.  Ten minutes with him convinced me that there are practical, realistic people in our government.  We spent most of the time discussing a topic of mutual interest, business incubators and the point where private and public interests intersect.  He has been a Cuyahoga County prosecutor and is now affiliated with a Lake County firm where he practices probate and estate planning law.  I think he has a terrific future.

No, I don’t think either of these people are our next president or even senator.  That isn’t the point.  We need a government.  We need qualified leaders, people with both the moral and intellectual capacity to lead effectively.  We should celebrate those moments when we encounter those politicians.  It is the rarity of the moment that makes it so unusual.  It is our need for more such moments that makes this so important.

Spitting in the Wind,The Further Adventures of a Moderate Democrat

I was three pages into this blog (long hand!) when I realized how much I hated this post. I was writing for my other blog, Health Insurance Issues With Dave, but I was tired of facts and statistics. No one wanted to read one more well researched lecture that poked holes in the preconceived notions of Congressmen from both sides of the aisle. It didn’t matter. And the truth is that I found the whole exercise depressing. I tore it up.

It was 10:26 PM, moments before the big vote. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was still talking. Minority Leader John Boehner was the next to the last to speak. As an act of both patriotism and masochism, I had listened to and watched much of the last 10 hours of process and debate. I was on overload.

The Republicans, who adamantly refused to participate, bemoaned the fact that the bill wasn’t a bipartisan effort. The Democrats trotted out a collection of fairy tales and hyperbole that surprised and sickened me. It wasn’t frustrating to be a Democrat. It was frustrating to be an American. It had been that kind of day.

My day began with coffee at the Panera in Solon with two Republicans. Phil is in the army reserve. His issues tend to be centered around military defense and taxation. My friend David, a borderline Libertarian, delights in noting the foibles and failures of every Democrat. If you had overheard our conversation, you might have thought that I was Nancy Pelosi’s neighbor and Eric Massa’s oldest friend. I, in turn, asked David about his good buddy John Ensign. It was all good natured fun until we got to the health care bill.

It isn’t an act. There are a lot of people who really fear President Obama and Speaker Pelosi. They are afraid that our country is going down an irreversible path to ruin. Don’t ridicule them. It isn’t right. How many of us felt the same way about the last administration?

It was easy to mock George W. Bush. I still have my copy of Shrub. It was easy, but it wasn’t productive, unless you consider feeding the base your goal. It was hard to fear W. Dick Chaney? That was a different story. But W, with his broken English and aw shucks mannerisms, was too easy to dismiss. Obama is an entirely different story. Where many of us may have underestimated Bush, the Republicans have overestimated his influence. They built him up so high that he actually succeeded just by showing up. Think about this. After months of benign neglect, Obama got his bill passed this week with a minimum of arm-twisting and an executive order on abortion funding that is more about good faith than law. He couldn’t have done this without the Republicans unwitting help.

My Republican friends, sensing my frustration, have sent engraved invitations to join their party. I can’t. The other side doesn’t look any better.

My problem is that I really do appreciate facts. Any semblance between the vast savings this new health care bill will yield and the WMD in Iraq is strictly coincidental. I’m tired of 1 + 1 = 7. I’m tired of the disingenuous stories told to motivate us to move in directions we, as a country, should not go. I’m tired of the lies. And I’m frustrated with myself that I keep hoping for better from people who can not, and will not, deliver.

This isn’t a Democrat issue or a Republican issue. It is an American issue. We were sold two wars on the cheap. We are being told that we can increase the number of people covered and the type of health care coverage we are all getting, and that it will save us money. NO IT WON’T. And I don’t care, at least not about the money. I care about the lies.

Tell us the truth. We can handle it. At the very least, we can learn to handle the truth. We are going to have to. The US is becoming the confused bank customer, facing a barrage of bounced checks, dumbfounded because there are still checks in our checkbook. How can we be out of money? We still have checks. We refuse to grow up. We have expressed little interest in becoming adults, responsible for our spending.

And so I find myself lost again in the middle, a political orphan, homeless and alone. I am certainly not well represented by my current Congressional delegation. Our state budget, though nowhere near as bad as some, is less than a year away from a major shortfall. I would be hard pressed to name ten politicians I truly admire and respect.

So my question is, “am I truly alone, or are you, too, spitting in the wind?”

Powerless

We have had intermittent power outages since noon. Seconds with no power, just long enough to close all of the computers. Jeff and I had electricity for the last several hours, the support staff and printers did not. We have been evacuated once. The alarms have sounded twice. At four we were advised that the building would go dark in a half an hour.

C.E.I. may have been unable to fix the problem in four hours, but they didn’t need thirty minutes to shut us down. No lights. No phones. No computer. 4:15.

The frustration and futility of a power outage is not limited to any particular generation. My daughter in her late twenties is as negatively impacted as my mother (who is still 22, just ask her).

Not all frustrations are equally shared or even understood. Take the telephone. Everyone has a cell phone. Everyone is accessible 24/7. In a meeting? In church? No problem. There is always texting. I grew up in a different era, a time when powerless and frustrated was the way we felt as we tried to reach someone by phone.

Hello. How are you?
Have you been alright, through all those lonely nights?
That’s what I’d say. I’d tell you everything,
If you’d pick up that telephone.

ELO

High School early 70’s

Some of us were lucky. We had a telephone in our bedroom. The richest or most spoiled had their own phone line. Not having to fight your mom for the phone was a big deal. There were no answering machines, just the parents and siblings of the girl you were trying to reach. Message delivery was spotty, at best.

And yes, it was a girl you were trying to call. In the early 70’s, girls didn’t call boys, at least not for dates. We called. And the phone rang. Sometimes the girl answered. Sometimes no one answered. The phone rang and rang. How long should I wait? Ten rings was deemed appropriate. Sometimes someone else answered the telephone. Was she home? What if she was home, but didn’t want to talk to me?

But mostly it just rang.

Operator, let’s forget about this call
You see there’s no one there I really wanted to talk to
Thank you for your time, ah, you’ve been so much more than kind
And you can keep the dime.

Jim Croce

The power is on at home. Leaving work early isn’t the end of the world. I think I’ll just sit in my recliner and call a couple of friends.

Vacation Edition

March 4, 2010 – Airport – Cancun

Our plane is delayed. We were scheduled to board at 1:10 or so for our 2:10 direct flight to Cleveland. It is now ten of two, we have been moved to a different gate, and our plane has not yet landed. I wouldn’t be concerned, except the gate worker just told me that the flight originated in Cleveland. The Cleveland to Cancun flight normally lands at 8:30 AM. Six hours behind schedule is an issue, even in Mexico.

We are ending a near-perfect vacation in Cancun. I have been to Mexico a half a dozen times. Each trip was better than the last. The tourist areas provided wonderful food and service. The Mexican people have always been welcoming and friendly, happy to share their land and their culture with those of us who choose to visit for a week or so.

My last trip to Cancun was in 1998. Developers and hurricanes have both struck since then. But my life and even the way I vacation have undergone more changes than Cancun. Thankfully for both the city and me, we all appear to have weathered our storms.

This is my fifth annual trip with Sally, AKA the girlfriend. She is a terrific travel companion. No airport line is too long. No snafu is the end of her world. Where others (or one other in particular) viewed any minor problem as a personal attack that required my immediate attention in some futile attempt to avenge her honor and restore her smile, Sally is simply happy to be on an adventure. The glitches, the mistakes, help to make the trip more memorable.

Last night was just that type of adventure.

We stayed at an all-inclusive adult resort. No screaming babies! No eight year olds in the adult pool while we are trying to play water volleyball. The fact that most of the women were topless at the pool and on the beach was just a happy bonus. The food, service, and facilities were all significant upgrades over last year’s trip to Punta Cana, and we loved the Dominican. Last year’s vacation was nice. This was that much better.

The resort had six restaurants serving dinner each evening. Two, the Asian and the Italian, required reservations. Two were buffets. The other two served Tex-Mex and seafood. We never ate in the Tex-Mex. We hit the buffets for breakfast and lunch. The made-to-order omelets were incredible. Monday evening’s dinner was in the Asian restaurant. Tuesday’s, Italian. Blessed as we are in Cleveland with large active Asian and Italian communities, we know these cuisines. Hell, we ate at Tuscany the night before we left. What the resort restaurants may have lacked in authenticity was more than compensated by their excellent service and tasty, fresh ingredients. We enjoyed these dinners almost as much as the meals in the seafood spot.

The restaurants were filled with round tables suitable for up to four diners. We arrived yesterday evening at the Bellavista, the seafood restaurant, promptly at 7. There were five of us, two Finnish girls celebrating their 50th birthdays, a guy from Utah who was playing slap and tickle with one of the twins, Sally and I. Every table was taken and we were only the Maitre d’s second problem. Ahead of us was a party of eight that had been promised a table the night before. This restaurant didn’t take reservations, but this guy had blown a lot of money to be a member of the resort. The most basic of his privileges was a table for his guests. He was a big guy from upper state New York and he was doing a slow burn. The Maitre d ran next door to the Italian restaurant to find some open tables.

“I told him we would be here at 7. Eight of us. I dropped 50k on this. I don’t think I’m asking for too much.”

Since he was talking in my general direction, I figured it would be rude to ignore him. “I totally agree. You gave him plenty of time to be prepared.”

I had a new friend.

The Maitre d returned a few minutes later. After intense negotiations it was resolved that my buddy and his guests would retreat to the poolside bar, 20 feet away, and be seated by 8 PM. We would be next, also by 8. More trusting, I led us to a quieter place to have a glass of wine.

When we returned at 8, the Maitre d was gone. My buddy and his guests were seated. Most of the tables were still occupied and there was a line of hungry people waiting to be seated. Proceeding to the front of the line didn’t enhance my popularity. Crowded at the door, the line was getting restless. The servers seemed to be moving in slow motion. The entire vibe of the restaurant was off kilter. Minutes went by, and except for a couple finishing their meal and leaving, nothing changed. No one remembered when they had last seen the Maitre d.

Two tables had been open for awhile. I walked up to one of the waiters and advised him that we were next on the list, a party of five.

“Senor, these tables are for 4. Five is too many.”

These guys were lost. Their manager was MIA and they didn’t know what to do.

“Not a problem. Let’s put those two tables together and we’ll get my party seated. I’ll be at the desk.”

He started to move the tables and I took my pen out of my pocket and checked the list. “OK, who is Woods, party of 2?” My Finnish friends were scandalized. Sally was smiling. The crowd at the door didn’t know what to think. One by one I verified the list, joked with the patrons, and put a couple of the single diners together, cruise ship style, to get us all seated. I grabbed the menus and sat my group and promised to return in a few minutes.

“Schmidlap, party of 4.” By now everyone was totally into the moment. One guy tried to slip me a 20 peso note, which is about a buck and a half and way more than I was worth. The wait staff, sensing that everything was back to normal, picked up their pace. Everyone was seated and I was back with my group before the drink order was taken.

We had a lovely dinner. I was really proud of my three waiters and our one busboy for rising to the occasion. So if you are ever in Temptations Resort in Cancun, make sure you try the shrimp and scallop brochette. And tell my guys I said “Hola”.

A Gentle Push

I was standing amongst the terminally single. Not asexual. Not gay. These men and women are simply oblivious to the opportunities that surround them. Some are emotionally deaf and blind. Others may have been so badly hurt, sometime in their past, that they have subconsciously turned off their receptors. They don’t want to be alone, but they have no idea how to change their lives. Two such individuals caught my attention.

Calling them a couple would have been an exaggeration. They were on a pre-date. There was an innocence about them that was both pure and painful. I watched her face, her eyes, when he talked. There was that glow of admiration that the wives of politicians are so often forced to fake. And even when she was, ostensibly, speaking with someone else, he was paying close attention to everything she said. She didn’t know what that meant. And he was totally unaware of how long those eyes had stayed focused to the side of his face.

Don’t let the setting, a bar, or the beers they were holding, fool you. Katie and Robert were still stuck in Mr. Morgan’s seventh grade home room.

Quietly, separately, I took each of their temperatures. And then I gave them both a gentle push..

Invisible

The young parents had their arms full.  Standing in line at the Beachwood Winterfest, our chamber of  commerce’s annual community pancake breakfast, they were trying to keep three small children close while holding five Styrofoam plates.  The parents were talking with Mark Nolan of WKYC.  Local politicians, several of whom had their nominating petitions conveniently available, were kvelling over the little boys.  The kids just wanted to eat pancakes with blueberries.  They didn’t care about the festivities or the celebrities, but no one was asking for their opinion.  It took awhile, but eventually we all knew what the children wanted.

My friend Marc lives in Israel.  His mom lives in Menorah Park.  I visit every other Sunday.  This week I brought chocolate.

Menorah Park is the most beautiful, best staffed, nicest nursing home I have ever seen.  If I wasn’t Jewish, I would schedule a meeting with a rabbi just to make sure I could move in there when I get older.  But, it is still a nursing home.  Fantastic facilities and wonderful, dedicated caregivers can’t hide that fact.

The elderly men and women in the area I visit never forget that they are in a nursing home.  They are constantly reminded of their physical limitations.  They are painfully aware of how dependent they are on the staff for their most basic needs, things we take for granted.  One example is going to the restroom.

Many of the residents are incapable of transporting themselves from their rooms to the dining area, from the dining area back to their rooms, from the comfort of their chairs to the restroom.  They all can’t be moved at once.  Invariably, many wait while someone is being assisted.  Every moment of waiting reinforces their helplessness.  Every unanswered call reminds them that they no longer have any independence.  And every moment spent alone waiting for the aides makes them feel even less significant and more invisible.

I think, sometimes, that our job is to search for the invisible and let them know that we can see them and that they are not alone.